Friends
often ask me why I don't miss driving my van since I insisted on doing it for
much longer than I probably should have. I think most people see driving as a
reflection of personal freedom; they can get in a car and go anywhere whenever
they want. I personally have a much different attitude about driving. I never
enjoyed it because it always made me tense. Driving for me was a matter of
necessity. I needed to get to work, Delaware's public transportation system
sucked and the disabled transportation was unreliable. I didn't feel like I had
a choice and I kept driving until the universe made the decision to stop for
me.
As the MS
progressed, my legs became weaker and spastic and a one point I stopped driving
and tried public transportation. I used it for several months to get to work
and doctor]s appointments but Janet had to keep picking me up when the bus drove
by me as I waited. It happened once at the bus stop locally and then twice at a
transfer stop in the middle of nowhere. I complained twice to the appropriate
office and they attempted to address the issue but it continued to happen. I
did not want to use the disabled transportation because it was notoriously late
and did not run at the times I need it. I went to my neurologist and she
thought I could safely drive again after she changed my medication. Janet gave
me an informal driving test and cleared me to drive so I started again.
Things were
fine for several months. Then one morning, I pulled away from the curb and my
leg just felt “not right." I pulled over, adjusted myself in the seat,
assumed that resolved the problem and drove off again. I turned the corner,
drove to the stop sign at the next corner but when I tried to move my foot to
the brake it wouldn't go. As the van moved toward the intersection, my leg
started to spasm with my foot still on the accelerator. You can imagine the
effect. I burned rubber through the intersection and luckily made it through
unscathed. I knew the next intersection was a busy one that had a traffic light
so I wanted to resolve this problem before I got there. I tried to steer with
one hand and move my leg with the other but I was just speeding up. I was
getting desperate, so I took both hands and tried to move my leg but the spasm
kept getting stronger and stronger and my leg was not moving an inch. When I
tell people this story, they asked why I didn't try the emergency brake or getting
the brake with my other foot. I usually sarcastically respond, " You try being
in this situation and see what you think of while you're in the middle of it."
That usually shuts them up.
Anyway, I
was going so fast at this point that I didn't realize that had I made it safely
through the intersection… I was just concentrating on moving my damn leg. From
a realistic health perspective, it was probably good that I didn't know what
was coming next because I would've tensed up and caused myself injury. I didn't
realize that after the intersection, the road has a gradual curve. As I
struggled with my leg, the van reached the curve, vaulted over the high curb,
crashed and squeezed between a huge tree and a telephone pole and a hit a car
in a driveway head on. Although I was uninjured, I have fragmented memories of
the event. I remember sitting there and taking a deep breath, checking in with
my body, spitting pieces of broken windshield out of my mouth and then looking
around. The windshield was gone, the passenger side of the van was totally
crushed in, all of the airbags were inflated, and the contents of the glove
compartment were in the backseat…
The
neighbors that were home during the day heard the crash of course and ran over
to see what they could do. A man came over and found my glasses in the driveway,
handed them to me through the broken windshield and called 911. We couldn't get
the driver side door open but I wouldn't have been able to stand up anyway. I
couldn't believe I really was okay after all this. I wanted to go to the
hospital to make sure.
Next, a
police officer arrived and asked for my license. It took a while to figure out
it was in the backseat with everything else from the front area. After he reached
through another broken window for the license, he took down the necessary information.
He then tried to give the license back but I refused it… I was done driving.
Then the EMTs arrived and I explained my physical condition and limitations.
They eventually got the door open and I did attempt to stand up but almost
fell. As I was going down, one of the EMTs swung me up over his shoulder and
carried me to the stretcher that way and they took me off to the hospital. In
the ambulance I mentioned my concern about my scooter which was in the back of
the van. The EMT riding with me showed me pictures he had taken at the scene.
That was the first time I really saw the extent of the damage but to my relief,
I saw the scooter looking pretty intact, poking slightly out of the mangled back
hatch.
I couldn't
believe the damage I saw in the pictures; the car I hit was totaled, all of the
windows and tires of my van were shot, the entire passenger side was crumpled,
the front end was crushed, the driver’s side was banged up and the back hatch looked
twisted. There was glass everywhere and fluids from both cars were draining
into the street. Apparently, the homeowners where I had the accident were not present.
The car I hit belonged to their mother in law. They had taken her out to lunch
in their car. It's been years since the accident, but I still imagine their
reaction when they got home. It must've been priceless. I still feel really bad
about it, but strangely enough I felt the worst about hurting the tree.
I called
Janet from the ambulance and she met us at the hospital. She was relieved to
see I was okay and then went to get my scooter and things from the van. She
said that if she had seen the van before she saw me at the hospital, she would
never have believed I had survived. They checked me out at the hospital and I
did not have a scratch. The frames of my glasses were bent and my scooter
worked fine but the fiberglass body needed to be replaced. My father helped me
find a replacement van that strangely enough was the same make, model and
color. Coworkers that didn't know I was in an accident just assumed it was the
same vehicle. I hired the granddaughter of a friend to drive me. Janet found a
gigantic spring from the van lying on the ground in the salvage yard and took
it as a souvenir; it is sitting in our garden repurposed as yard art. Other
than being out the cost of the replacement vehicle, the cost of the scooter
repairs, the cost of the increased insurance and the cost of my driver, the accident
was not a big deal. Many of my friends and family were relieved I wasn't
driving anymore anyway; they just didn't want it to happen this way. If anyone
still has questions about why I am not driving anymore, please look at the
following link: http://photos.aetnahhl.org/default.aspx?aid=218
I think I
could be the poster child for why people should stop driving when they are no
longer physically able.
