My bully – pulpit

I have to admit, because of my current reclining situation in the hospital bed, I often watch morning and daytime talk shows. One of the big current topics that struck a chord with me was the new movie," Bully". It brought to mind memories of elementary school. Then when my mom was visiting, she saw something promoting the same movie and struck up a conversation about my experiences as a kid. Then, when you consider that I've been in contact with my elementary school teachers lately, of course it's a topic I have to write about.

I don't know why I was at target… Or maybe I do. My deficiencies in the little girl world were many… To make it easier for a reader to follow, I'll bullet list    them.

·         I was a quiet introspective child who had a strong sense of right and wrong and related better to adults than children. I didn't make friends easily so I didn't have a lot of defenders.

·         I didn't have the trendiest clothing or accessories. My mom, when I was younger, wanted me to wear dresses to school a lot longer than the other little girls. When she finally conceded and allowed me to wear pants, she still wanted me to dress up and actually I agreed if I couldn't wear jeans. Thus, the reign of the pantsuits began; Hillary Rodham Clinton would have been envious of the selection. When I was finally allowed to wear jeans, my mother insisted on ironing them and when they got faded, comfortable and cool, she said they were worn out and threw them away. Thus my blue jeans were always stiff, brilliantly blue, with an ironing crease down the middle of each leg.

·         I also developed my womanly features early but did not get a bra until junior high school.

·         I was very uncoordinated, and always was the last to be picked for any sport from jump rope to kickball.

·         I was considered one of the lucky ones by doctors when I was diagnosed with scoliosis during a screening in gym class in about fourth grade. I had the privilege of wearing a Milwaukee back brace (that went from the pubic area to up around the neck) for almost 2 years.

·         I was found to be farsighted in third grade and to add to my geekiness, I started wearing glasses at a young age.

·         I was endowed with the final crowning glory, a great big gap between my front teeth. I don't know which was worse in the elementary school frame of mind, the gap or the braces that came later to resolve it.

 If you put everything in the list together, perhaps you understand why I was picked on endlessly from about third grade on.

I won't mention names, but there were several girls who lived in my neighborhood who were just wild. Because we were the same ages, I was expected to play with them, but I had nothing in common with them. I tried but they didn't want to play with me, so avoidance began but when we had to be together for some reason it was never good. There were also a few girls in class that didn't like me simply for the reasons listed above. The girls in class were the main instigators of problems at school. The girls in the neighborhood I just avoided.

 It rarely got physical at school. There were threats and an occasional punch in the arm muscle but that was the worst of it. The main ways to girls went after me were verbal. They had a wonderful song they made up about me sung to the tune of the Gumby Show theme song: "Pam was just a little green ball of scum, scum – be…" Perhaps it is selective memory issue, but I don't remember the rest. They would leave nasty notes in my assigned desk, draw on the top of it when the teacher wasn't looking to get me in trouble and leave things on my chair so I would sit in them and the list goes on. One thing that sticks in my mind particularly was when we had a class trip for a weekend to Mount Misery… The name should have been a warning. We were set up in cabins and thankfully I was not with any of them. We were supposed to make our beds when we got there and then meet up for some reason. The cabins were left unsupervised and one of my nemesis, I'm not sure which ones, went in and took my toothpaste from my bag and squirted it all in my sheets and all over my pillow. Luckily I was forewarned by the minty fresh smell of my bed and didn't climb right in. Thankfully one of the camp counselors let me wash the sheets in the camp machine but they were ruined because of the bleaching done by the toothpaste. I had no toothpaste for the weekend so I had trash mouth. In spite of the efforts of my enemies, I still had a pretty good time and had my first dance with a boy that I had a crush on.

Looking back on those days, I can say in all honesty that in spite of all the bad girls’ efforts, I still had some good times. I had a few select friends that I played hopscotch, jump rope and horsies with. I also was “friends" with several adults at Johnson School including the woman that watched the schoolyard during recess and the playtime breaks after lunch. I would hang out with her and chat and I really enjoyed our time together. I was a Library Aide and I liked my time doing it and spending time with Mrs. Gargodian, the librarian so much that I think it was a factor in me being a librarian as an adult. (She had such a great librarian name!) Under her tutelage, I learned to use some machines that are still used in libraries today and I could use them better than anyone else and repair them. Of course I enjoyed almost every single teacher I had there. I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for their hard work and encouragement.

 I don't know how I would have dealt with things if there was the technology then that we have today. If that wonderful little song, " Scum – Be Pam" was posted on Facebook rather than sung in front of a few classmates, it would have been a lot more difficult to get over. I think bullying is an issue that has to be addressed more strongly today than in the past. I don't think that old attitude of “If I could deal with it as a kid 30 years ago, then they can deal with it today" works anymore. Times have changed and approaches to problems need to change accordingly.